A Real Class Act

Like many I've switched over to myspace, facebook, etc. I got this Livejournal when I was 17. As I skim through past entries it feels like I'm reading the entries of a completely different person. I've been living in Boston for almost a year now. This fall I'm taking 15 credits. I'm working a gay online dating site doing marketing. My sister moved to Nashville, TN and is now big-wig for Benefit Cosmetics. I miss her very much. In May, Tyler dumped me for some dough-boy pharmacy tech he met online. It was an unexpected, devastating way to begin my summer. I surprisingly picked myself up by the boot straps rather quickly and moved on.

I have not been home to Northampton all summer. Do I miss it? Absolutely not, aside from my mother ofcourse who is out of town most of the time anyways. What is there to miss? The abandon buildings of Northampton State Hospital are gone, My friends/family gone, and my love of it is long gone. Just driving through it makes me ill. I want people there to forget about me.

Boston is my home for now. I'll write again later.

I'm glad this period of my life is over. To anyone who read this over the years, thank you. These previous entries are from a period of my life when I was trying to find my place in the world, battling a heavy addiction to crack/cocaine and overcoming trauma from my senior year of high school where I was being drugged up and sexually abuse relentlessly by a group of men I then trusted. Looking back, I beleve thats how Sascha came about. He was my alter ego. Things have since improved. I wake up every morning in my spacious, sunny apartment in Central square which is in Cambridge Mass, in my lovers arms. I shower and put on clean clothes, I go to school and then to work. With the way I was treating my body, mind and spirit, I should have been dead along time ago. Instead I have wonderful, loving friends and a relationship with my family I never dreamed of. Thank you for allowing me to share my life with you. Best wishes to those who have read my rants and raves over the years.
Xoxo,
Ian

I quit my job this week. I'm at Javanet wiriting my Resume. My mother is gone for the weekend and Ana and I are throwing a party. I had a slip and invited my ex oops . Perfect example of how I think with dick. Anyways going out with Coleen tonite. I'm gonna start to write here agian I guess......
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO,
~Ian~

I VOTED TODAY! SO SHOULD YOU!

Hey the previous entry I posted with the telephone number was meant to be a private entry. But me naturally be over my limit on Dark roast with Soy and in a rush. I went into LJ auto-pilot and posted it as friends-only, so please ignore the number. Although having a new cell-phone does sound like a real sweet thought right now. I should have one soon.

Didn't go to Butchies, Haven or Capo's halloween party this week cause I didn't feel like it. Both Gothy halloween partys I know woulda been extreamly repedative and I have kinda out-grown that social whore bullshit. I did however get the down low about some dumb spitting incident out on the play pen like patio at one of them, so I'm really glad I wasn't there. I really miss Holly, Amber and Angelina. Otherwise I don't really have any desire to gat involved with the same old garbage agian. I'm too old for funky hair colors and kitty ears. Unless it's halloween time. I wish I went to the Butchies, but oh well I watched Dvd's with my boy instead. Tommorow I'm helping him wire his kitchen. Btw Day After Tommorow SUCKS! Don't rent it.

GottaLuvDaIan (4:27:40 PM): How's the UTI?
GottaLuvDaIan (4:27:46 PM): :-P
Jil (4:28:05 PM): terrible
GottaLuvDaIan (4:28:49 PM): Awww I had flaming diareahh Cha! Cha! Cha! If that makes you feel any better
Jil (4:29:05 PM): ewwwwwww
GottaLuvDaIan (4:29:21 PM): YUp burning
GottaLuvDaIan (4:30:08 PM): Dont' ever eat at La Veracuzana
Jil (4:30:15 PM): ewwwwwwwwwwwww
Jil (4:30:24 PM): i like that place
Jil (4:30:29 PM): what did you eat?
GottaLuvDaIan (4:30:50 PM): I thought I did but I didn't like the aftermath I'll tell ya
GottaLuvDaIan (4:31:29 PM): I need the entire FDNY to put out my ass last night
GottaLuvDaIan (4:31:51 PM): It was on F-I-R-E
JIl (4:31:54 PM): ewwwwwwwwwwwww
GottaLuvDaIan (4:32:06 PM): OMG! You are such a priss
GottaLuvDaIan (4:32:21 PM): Eat some more cranberry pills and lighten up
GottaLuvDaIan (4:33:10 PM): :-*
GottaLuvDaIan (4:33:16 PM): luv you

I'm at Rao's in Amherst passing time before my Big Book meeting. When I arrived I set my bag and my Dark roast with soy at the last table with an outlet because my battery was almost dead. I went to use toilet after I set my MAC up. When I came back all my shit was moved to a table 6 ft away and some old black guy was plowing away on his POOPY BIG BLACK DELL/DICK! Anyways I go over to comfort him and he's all giving me the I'm old and I'm a minority attuitude. Likes It's my fault fucking Amistad is on the big screen and the civil war happend and he deserves the power outlet. Anyways I had no time for this. I got my poweroutlet back YAY! Now he's at the kiddy table six feet away on his crappy pentium 3 dell think pad thing glairing at me. WHY DO PC USERS HAVE TO BE SUCH ASSHOLES?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

I'm Moving to NYC in Two weeks. Descion is final. Arrangments are being made. After 20 years this area has offically drivin me insane. I'll come back someday, maybe after they shut down all the colleges and lock up all the crazy's hehehehe J/K. But ya I know I was looking into D.C and Oregon over the past few months because of relitives, but I've been wanting to move to the Big Apple for as long as I can remember. What better time then now anyways. Just pack up and get the fuck out of No-Hope is the best way to do it. It takes more then a fucking Hemp braclet and some Sushi rolls to keep me happy and get my dose of Culture. I need more! FUCK MAIN STREET NORTHAMPTON! FUCK IT RIGHT IN ITS LOOSE ASSHOLE!

They say people mature as they get older. Then I wonder why is it, that random crazy's are keeping my journal under the raidar. After alittle bit of analyzing it's become perfectly clear, where these boring town folk have been getting some of their personal dirt on me. With this big change in my life, I feel as if I hit alittle to close to home writing in this thing. It's sad really, I've had this journal since highschool and it archives many interesting changes, journeys and mistakes made in my life and shows a promising awaking of a brite, handsome, loving young man with alot to offer. I won't be writing here anymore, for personal saftey reasons. Thanks to all who read this and your wonderful comments.
Bon Voyage,
Xoxoxoxo,
Ian

OMG no more late nights agian I swear it! I didnt get home till five this morning. Last night I went to go visit my friend Jonny in Gardner. I hadn't seen him in ages. We watched Jawbreaker and Wrestled on his tempura pedic matress. It was fun. So now i'm at the Javanet checking my email and having coffee, getting an overwhelming amount of IM'S. FUCKING AIM!!!!! I have a telephone you know.... that thing where you punch the numbers and call me and I can actually hear your lovely voice, maybe even express my emotions in proper. Anyway yup planning my next two holidays NYC/HAMPTONS trip and MIAMI! ROCK!
XOXOXOXO,
Ian

I know it's been ages since I've written. But I've needed to take a little livejournal break for my own mental benefit. This thing can eat you alive sometimes. So ya nothing has really changed besides I've cut a great deal of drama out of my life. It ended really ugly and it 's really sad. I wound up blaming myself for it immensly to the point where I gave myself a very drastic consiquence which I choose not to write about. In a way I'm glad it happend, because I learned for years I've been passed around as a scape goat to people with low self-esteems who just want to dump their in-securities on others. That is not how I deserve to live, there is a far better way. I am offically 3 months sober today. I did this on my own, no one else did this for me. I can offically say this was something I accomplished on my own. I'm going to NYC next week to visit one of my friends who's moving into her apartment at NYU then taking the Jitney down to the Hamptons. My favorite Aunt Cathy is coming up from Vegas. I love her sooo much, so is the exact type of parent I aspire to be and I watch and learn by her morals with the way she raises her children. The week after I am possibly making a trip to Miami beach for a few days. Now I am waiting for my best friend ladypussycat to show up so we can get late lunch/dinner. I'm sooo glad she's back!
XOXOXO,
Ian

Your Husband Generator by Lady_Galadriel
Name
Your Husband Is
You Met	at a party
You Have	3 children
You Live	spain
In	a large apartment
You And Your Partner Are Best Known For	doing lots of charity work
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

Saturday - Shot new set for eroticbpm

Sunday - Went to Boston last minute to see the Fireworks and Dance my pants off at Avalon.

Monday - Spent twice the time getting back from Boston in traffic on I-90 west backed up the ass. Got into a fight at pit stop over a fucking bathroom stall cause I had to piss like a motherfucker. Went downtown with Anthony and ran in the pouring rain with our shirts off hooting and hollering, running infront of cars. VERY MUCH YOUNG BOY GAYNESS! I wish we had pictures. Went to my Easthampton meeting drenched and got my two month coin.

Today - I went to my Morning meeting, then met up with Kate and got lunch at Teapot. Then talked with Kai at Army Barracks. Apparently I'm not the only one who just thinks it's a "one way street" with most of the people our age in this area. Yup people have been behaving fucked up latley which is why I've been going into solitude. It's none of my buisness what they think of me, but it's also not there job to take my self-inventory. I'm wicked fucking fed up. I've become really used to being alone, fuck that shit. The company I'm in now, may not be fit for use as a status symbol, but it's better then what I had before.

I went running in the rain without my shirt on, in a pair of diesels and my fluvoggs with anouther gay boy. We laughed, ran infront of cars, flashed our underware and behaved like hustlers.

I went to go visit my friend Mike up in Concord today who just a 9 megapixel digital Nikon. He showed me some really cool places like some abandon warehouses and railroad tracks. Took my next set for eroticbpm for me. I've been wicked lazy. My friend Rich is calling me and wanting me to visit him in Boston for the day tommorow then to go out dancing at Avalon's gay night. But I just don't have the F-ing energy. I've been sooo exaused lately, plus I'm fed up with all the circuit candy bullshit the gay club scene has to offer. I find it wicked obnoxious and that it makes me look at the negative aspects of my self inventory. I've picked up my art work agian, mixed medium of charcoal and spray paint on large pieces of heavy industrial paper and canvas board mainly. I've found its been extreamly theraputic. A handful of people in town are slandering me and spreading vicious rumours I've found out, ever since I've gone into solitude and began my cycle of soberity. Speaking of which I am two months sober since thursday. I have adapted the policies "What other people think of me, is none of my buisness" and "Do what I can do resonably and leave the rest to God". I know this slang may sound rather tackey, but I don't give a shit. I know I haven't been writing as much, my life just hasn't been that interesting lately. But it has been more fulfilling then ever in years! I'm going through soo many changes, soo quickly. Doing sooo much for myself and others, that actually makes a difference.

http://www.fathers-sons.com/en_US/PreOwnedVehicleSearch_1.chtml

I came home and my mother was on the fathers and sons website looking at foreign cars for me, regreting she ever got me my american scrap piece.

I just thought of something. I'm at Javanet right now, taking comfort in shadows. WHERE THE FUCK DID ALL THESE HIPSTERS COME FROM!!! When did all the people I know just wake up one day and decide "Ok I'm gonna go Hipster!!! Ya thats sucha good Idea". It was cute at first to see a few at first, trotting around town in their vintage t-shirts, ripped jeans and such. But now it's sooo outta hand. If I have to sit in on more artifical conversation about the east village or about some stupid show at an VFW Bar I'm going to start shooting my mouth off. No wonder I've become used to being alone. People have no real Identity anymore. I know I've lost mine and am slowly regaining mine back. IS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE WHO IS JUST FUCKING GENUINE AND ISN'T FUCKING PERTENTIOUS!!!!! I'm sick of having to mask my flaws, WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Rant over, gonna go bang my head agianst a wall now.

I GOT MY FIRST TATTOO